12-17-13 So my thoughts are about how life is full of changes; like the seasons they have periods of time that they last and then go into hibernation and then bloom and grow!
My season of being single seemed like it would be one of never ending winter (like in Narnia) when I was in it. Of course in it were highs and lows, it wasn't totally dreary and lifeless. I grew so much and learned so much about myself, others, life, etc. It was a long season and sometimes I still wonder why it took so long to walk through; the worst thing I do is start to look around and compare my season to what looks like someone else's season. Why does she get flowers now and I have 6 feet of snow? Why can't I sunbathe today instead of wearing seven layers to keep warm?
Why did I have to wait until I was 36 to FINALLY end my singleness season? Why didn't I get to marry my high school love? - Oh wait, maybe because I didn't have one and maybe because I travelled and explored the world, found myself and so many crazy friends, adventure was calling. Sure, I was lonely for someone to snunggle and kiss and hold me but I was never alone. I always had a great community around me and had people to pray with and encourage and be encouraged by...
Monday, December 30, 2013
God's Hand
12-30-13 So many thoughts and memories are swarming my head right now. I wanted to write some out.
My Aunt said that my mom is the best gift her parents ever gave her.
It is amazing how God knew what we all needed and when.
I have a husband that is able to hold me and feed me and just let me be me during this time and he understands because he has also been through this loss.
My mother was able to go dress shopping with me and attend my wedding and spend time with my hubby and know that he is amazing and will take good care of her baby girl.
I got to share all the fun details of our European adventure and give my mommy a gift from the Vatican.
And hear her recall stories of their time in Germany and Italy.
God led my aunt to reach out to a family in need and let them live with her, so she is not totally alone during her loss.
I was able to see my mommy a few times and help her go through some things that were important to her the days before she went into the hospital.
I was right down the road when my daddy called the ambulance and could get there to drive him to the ER.
I am overwhelmed by the kickass friends and family that we are surrounded by. They are all right there praying and walking by us through everything. Dropping their lives and needs to come and comfort and help in anyway possible.
God had Nikki come from California to provide the bubbliness that my sister and I usually do but just can't right now.
It is like Mom not only planned it all out but she was in cahoots with the Big Guy and bringing her list she said hey remember this and that and there is this and that and He looked at her and said, "Yea Jan I got this."
And He does got this...each one of us in His hands and heart and He is meeting every need we have abundantly so. In our aching loss He is so near it is a comforting peace.
There is a song that sums up God's nearness, "Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands..."
Praise You In This Storm
My Aunt said that my mom is the best gift her parents ever gave her.
It is amazing how God knew what we all needed and when.
I have a husband that is able to hold me and feed me and just let me be me during this time and he understands because he has also been through this loss.
My mother was able to go dress shopping with me and attend my wedding and spend time with my hubby and know that he is amazing and will take good care of her baby girl.
I got to share all the fun details of our European adventure and give my mommy a gift from the Vatican.
And hear her recall stories of their time in Germany and Italy.
God led my aunt to reach out to a family in need and let them live with her, so she is not totally alone during her loss.
I was able to see my mommy a few times and help her go through some things that were important to her the days before she went into the hospital.
I was right down the road when my daddy called the ambulance and could get there to drive him to the ER.
I am overwhelmed by the kickass friends and family that we are surrounded by. They are all right there praying and walking by us through everything. Dropping their lives and needs to come and comfort and help in anyway possible.
God had Nikki come from California to provide the bubbliness that my sister and I usually do but just can't right now.
It is like Mom not only planned it all out but she was in cahoots with the Big Guy and bringing her list she said hey remember this and that and there is this and that and He looked at her and said, "Yea Jan I got this."
And He does got this...each one of us in His hands and heart and He is meeting every need we have abundantly so. In our aching loss He is so near it is a comforting peace.
There is a song that sums up God's nearness, "Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands..."
Praise You In This Storm
from Lifesong
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say, Amen and it's still raining
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say, Amen and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find You
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Friday, October 18, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Being loved
I am thinking back to before I got married and all the whirlwind of emotions and adventures leading up to that amazing life changing day...
I had four showers and it was so surreal being THE BRIDE at them this time. Each one had a different flavor but all were so amazing. My friends, family, and co-workers all gathered to celebrate with me!
I got to be the one being dressed in tissue paper, and trying to answer questions about my husband-to-be, and opening lots of fun gifts!
Then there was the bachelorette dance party where my friends helped me pick songs for the reception and gave me great marital advice.
I didn't know how to cut the guest list and I am glad I didn't have to, it was so wonderful and almost overwhelming to have people that have been there throughout my life there on my big day to share in my excitement.
The evening that Earl brought me 3 long stemmed roses and a card for my birthday and we talked in his car until late; I saw him catch a glimpse of how lovely I am and the way God sees me, I like to say that he saw my glow.
The day we were snuggling and I burst into tears;
I had four showers and it was so surreal being THE BRIDE at them this time. Each one had a different flavor but all were so amazing. My friends, family, and co-workers all gathered to celebrate with me!
I got to be the one being dressed in tissue paper, and trying to answer questions about my husband-to-be, and opening lots of fun gifts!
Then there was the bachelorette dance party where my friends helped me pick songs for the reception and gave me great marital advice.
I didn't know how to cut the guest list and I am glad I didn't have to, it was so wonderful and almost overwhelming to have people that have been there throughout my life there on my big day to share in my excitement.
The evening that Earl brought me 3 long stemmed roses and a card for my birthday and we talked in his car until late; I saw him catch a glimpse of how lovely I am and the way God sees me, I like to say that he saw my glow.
The day we were snuggling and I burst into tears;
"I never knew this is how it felt to be treasured."
Earl just held me and said, "I am sorry you have never felt treasured."
I melted.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Overwhelmed
How do I put my swirling thoughts into words?
I feel overwhelmed by so many people to see and care and pray for and so many things to do and just not enough time to spread me around!
How do you choose?
I could choose a life of solitude and only work on my health and my marriage and my random scattered project ideas....but I would feel isolated and lonely after a time and I would have burned all my bridges with people by kinda pushing them out for a season and then can't expect them to just jump right back in eagerly.
I could choose a life of helping and serving and loving and compassion and giving....but then I would get burnt out and exhausted and need me time and possibly wreck my marriage and health in the process.
Maybe I need God direction for this new season?
I feel overwhelmed by so many people to see and care and pray for and so many things to do and just not enough time to spread me around!
How do you choose?
I could choose a life of solitude and only work on my health and my marriage and my random scattered project ideas....but I would feel isolated and lonely after a time and I would have burned all my bridges with people by kinda pushing them out for a season and then can't expect them to just jump right back in eagerly.
I could choose a life of helping and serving and loving and compassion and giving....but then I would get burnt out and exhausted and need me time and possibly wreck my marriage and health in the process.
Maybe I need God direction for this new season?
Words of wisdom
Words from a wise man:
Just thought of this motto: Never put off to tomorrow, what you could have done yesterday.
The thinking here is that here you are sitting, thinking about whether to start your plan today or tomorrow. What you should be thinking is that you are in tomorrow and thinking about what you did yesterday, and how proud you are of yourself.
Just a thought.
:)
Friday, July 5, 2013
My heart
This girl is so close to my heart, she is a huge part of what has made me who I am today. So many crazy, fun memories from before she was born to the young woman she is now. I am so blessed to be a part of her life. I LOVE being crazy Aunt Becky :)
When she was still in my sister's tummy, she would kick and roll like crazy when she heard my voice; that was fun to watch! (I always knew I was the favorite! )
When she was a baby I got to watch her and make her giggle. I have seen many episodes of Barney with that lil booty dancing in front of the TV to his songs. (Mine may have shaken a time or two with hers also).
Hanging upside down from the coffee table, swinging high on the playset, oreo drool, dragging her Elmo doll around, the monster chair at grandma's, races, cheesy grins, Odyssey One and Dollar Store trips together, playdates...
She was the subject of my pix for my high school photography class.
I'm not sure who cried more when I left for Africa...She had "jetlag" and cereal at 2am with me when I returned from Africa.
She made me a Valentine in school, so precious.
I moved to China not knowing when I would be back - that broke my heart. I got some awesome packages, letters, pictures and emails while I was there. I bragged about "my kiddo" to everyone there.
I am giggling and have tears in my eyes just from writing this.
Then this little girl somehow turned into a teenager, but still liked having me around so I let it happen.
Then she grew taller than me - not a huge feat, but a milestone none the less.
There were shopping trips and dresses and dances and boys and friends and birthdays and the day she outgrew the Dollar Store.
At her high school graduation I had flashbacks of her preschool graduation; how had that much time flown by?! This young lady was strutting the stage and getting her hard-earned diploma.
Smart and beautiful, kind and fun, full of adventure.
Very witty, she would have to explain some jokes to me.
She was into makeup and super good at it, so good I had her do mine a few times.
Then she turned in her sippy cup for a beer mug! Oh my, really? My baby niece was an ADULT!
Not long after this occured, I got engaged. I always knew that when she outgrew being my flower girl I wanted this amazing girl to be my Maid of Honor. So I asked and she was very willing to take up this role in my life. She threw me a wonderful and fun bachelorette party - it was so me!
And she stood by my side as I finally got my dream of being a wife! And she made the most amazing and sweet toast at the reception. Oh this little lady is my favorite for sure!
Here's to you meeting your someday to be cousins and being the "Aunty" to them. I know they will look up to you and admire the woman you are becoming and already are.
You fill my life with joy and my heart bursts with love and pride for you. I love you Princess.
 |
| My Niece |
When she was a baby I got to watch her and make her giggle. I have seen many episodes of Barney with that lil booty dancing in front of the TV to his songs. (Mine may have shaken a time or two with hers also).
Hanging upside down from the coffee table, swinging high on the playset, oreo drool, dragging her Elmo doll around, the monster chair at grandma's, races, cheesy grins, Odyssey One and Dollar Store trips together, playdates...
She was the subject of my pix for my high school photography class.
I'm not sure who cried more when I left for Africa...She had "jetlag" and cereal at 2am with me when I returned from Africa.
She made me a Valentine in school, so precious.
I moved to China not knowing when I would be back - that broke my heart. I got some awesome packages, letters, pictures and emails while I was there. I bragged about "my kiddo" to everyone there.
I am giggling and have tears in my eyes just from writing this.
Then this little girl somehow turned into a teenager, but still liked having me around so I let it happen.
Then she grew taller than me - not a huge feat, but a milestone none the less.
There were shopping trips and dresses and dances and boys and friends and birthdays and the day she outgrew the Dollar Store.
At her high school graduation I had flashbacks of her preschool graduation; how had that much time flown by?! This young lady was strutting the stage and getting her hard-earned diploma.
Smart and beautiful, kind and fun, full of adventure.
Very witty, she would have to explain some jokes to me.
She was into makeup and super good at it, so good I had her do mine a few times.
Then she turned in her sippy cup for a beer mug! Oh my, really? My baby niece was an ADULT!
Not long after this occured, I got engaged. I always knew that when she outgrew being my flower girl I wanted this amazing girl to be my Maid of Honor. So I asked and she was very willing to take up this role in my life. She threw me a wonderful and fun bachelorette party - it was so me!
And she stood by my side as I finally got my dream of being a wife! And she made the most amazing and sweet toast at the reception. Oh this little lady is my favorite for sure!
Here's to you meeting your someday to be cousins and being the "Aunty" to them. I know they will look up to you and admire the woman you are becoming and already are.
You fill my life with joy and my heart bursts with love and pride for you. I love you Princess.
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