November 2, 2015 -
So today is the day we call in and see if the hospital is ready to take us and induce....we get to meet this little miracle so soon!
How do you put into words the amazingness of being pregnant?! Of having a little life growing within you and feeling that life become more and more active. Here is my attempt...
Well, we were trying to have a baby but ran into some problems so we were working on sorting those out and were surprised by the fact that we did not need the specialist after all.
When I first saw the pregnancy test say positive I wasn't sure to believe it or not because I wanted it so bad and had been trying and well maybe it was a false positive and the drugs or whatever were messing the results up. But I couldn't help hoping in my heart that it was true.
I giggled and told Earl to look and he had the same cautious reaction I did. I took another test that evening and got the same result, so I texted my sister both tests saying I need to go to the doctor and she called me squealing. We chatted about things and she said you ARE prego. Welp a couple of blood tests and an ultrasound later we were on our way to parenthood. Wow, seeing that heartbeat for the first time and hearing that baby was planted well and doing good made me cry...we will be parents!
Then comes the stages of being pregnant. The tiredness and nauseous feeling of the first trimester. That and the fact that you aren't showing yet and your body is going through so many aches and changes it is nuts. Did I mention how tired you feel and how just getting up and getting through a daily routine like work is harder to do some days? You really come home and just want/need to nap. Food is something you eat what you can when you can between feeling nauseous and tired. My favs became a McDonald's cheeseburger without pickles or a Burger King crispy chicken jr. sandwich. Yogurt and bread were always a good go to food also. I found eating little bites more often helped my body not feel so sick. I thankfully never really threw up, except when brushing my teeth. I just had a nauseous knot in my tummy for a few months that I learned how to work around.
There is so much dreaming and planning and hoping and wondering and guessing and a bit of worrying too. The worry that you need to get past the first trimester so that you are past the miscarriage stage. You constantly pray that your body will be healthy and do what it needs to for the baby to be well nourished and be able to grow. You want to tell the world but also want to be cautious and only tell them when it is "safer" to do so. I had to learn to add protein to my diet cuz baby was taking it from me. I was getting thinner hair and was bummed cuz that is supposed to happen after birth before you are supposed to get luscious think hair. Oh well, once I added protein and used better shampoo and conditioner it helped.
You don't even realize how attached and in love you are with this kid from the beginning until you get a scare that the baby might not make it. I spotted one day and totally bawled my head off thinking but I am just getting used to the idea of having a baby I can't lose it now. Thankfully an ultrasound later told me all was well. What a sigh of relief that was and fun to have another picture of our baby. Then comes telling people - we announced it 3x in 3 fun ways.....to family, to friends, to work. Sharing the joy of this journey to parenthood with those around us as we go. It is weird how much you can love someone you can't feel and haven't met but you know is there and depending on you for everything.
Second trimester is pretty great. You get some of your energy back, you are super prego yet so you can still do many things and you just feel good. You have many appointments to make and things to get done and classes to take to get ready but it is all in excitement of what will be.
I remember where we were when I got the call that told us whether you were our son - which I thought, or our daughter - which daddy thought. We were in Reno visiting Jeanne and they told us you did not have DS and you were our baby girl! I kind of panicked as we had a boy name picked out but nothing for a girl yet. Jeanne was super excited, then I called your Aunt Bunny and told her. When I saw Jenny and told her she cried she was so happy. So then Bunny and Tiffany were tossing girl name ideas my way for the rest of our vacation. Ever since you were the size of Macaroni I called you baby Mac. It took quite awhile for my baby bump to show. I took pictures almost every week anyway but it wasn't until 20+ weeks that there was a significant bump. The first time you kicked outwardly and daddy felt you was so beautiful.
When you start to feel the kicks, that is an amazing moment between mom and baby. It is surreal but feels so much more real to you when you feel the baby move and kick and turn....wow. You feel empowered that the miracle your body can carry out is occurring and you get to participate in nourishing and developing a new life inside of you. Watching your little belly bump get bigger and fuller each week as time goes by and then seeing the bump move around as the baby makes space for herself....simply amazing. I like the way one of my friends put it, "I get to have you to myself for 9 whole months, you are just mine." This was my thought too, I am not ready to share you yet. Right now you are just mine, it is you and me. But now that I feel like I have prepared a space for you as best I can in this world, I can't wait to meet you and show you off to everyone who is excited to greet you and show their love.
I love to hold my belly and feel you move beneath my hands. You make me gasp at times when you hit nerves, you make me giggle other times when your kicks are so crazy. In all, you have been pretty chill and easy to carry. I have pretty much loved being pregnant and have had a hard time being ready to have you out of my belly and in this world....but now I would love to meet you and hold you and snuggle you in my arms and enjoy watching you learn and grow and become an amazing little lady. Oh my princess, see you soon!
