The picture that sparked it all

This picture was on the fridge the first time I went to Earl's house.  The older, faded one.

He is holding Charlie, one of his good friend's kiddos.  

Earl was teaching me how to make a pie and as we were waiting for it to bake, I saw this picture and felt this spark in my heart.  A thought crossed my mind that I could have a baby with this man....yea, it totally freaked me out, as at that point we were not even dating and I had no interest in this man; at least that was what my mind had decided.  My heart had other plans and they freaked me out! ;)

Fast forward - When we were married one day Earl gave me this picture, the newer copy  and he shaved his mustache and wore a blue shirt just like he looked in the picture.  My heart flipped again.

2/17/14
Weekend in Oregon

Wow, how blessed and spoiled I am.  I got a spa date and a shopping trip and just time to relax and read as my man and his two best friends braved the elements to play golf on a beautiful ocean view course.

Gale is my new hero - she braved the rain and wind and sleet and hail without complaint and carted her own clubs around and kept up with the guys!

Bandon Dunes Golf 

Remodeling

10-28-14
I was just thinking, as we are tearing our kitchen apart to take the old and make it new....I would love to do the same to me.  It would be nice to just go on one of those make over shows where they do all the work and then show you how to keep going...as I have no clue how to make comfy me into chic me.
Make up? oh boy that is a lot of time and work and I am not the greatest at that art skill.
Clothing? There are just some every day go-to items that work, they make me feel comfy and sometimes they even make me feel pretty.  This season it would be jeans and a sweater dress layered with a pretty necklace or scarf; the purple one being my happy go-to.
And shoes, um these feet get the special old lady treatment...but I did find a shoe store that sells cute styles for my wide and awful feet....before that it was tennis shoes only!
I am working on this body of mine, that has been a long haul struggle but little by little I am chipping away and one day I will be able to look back and say wow. I am not there anymore, I am here!

Blog Ideas

Ok so many thoughts in my head and not enough time to blog them yet....
so here is the upcoming (hopefully) list:

Picture of the Big Book of Lists - Awesome Goodwill find...I LOVE lists!

Time is precious - the passing of a friend's dad, the celebration of another friend's 30th bday.
Time is the gift you can give and you must spend wisely because there are no refunds. 

It does take a village - I miss my mom but realize every day how many other "pseudo" moms I have been blessed with growing up.
I hope to be a pseudo parent to many kids, part of a village raising kids that when you look at where God has taken them you get to take a bit of pride knowing He used you to touch and guide their precious lives.
Watching the kids I babysit/nanny grow up and become adults under my nose.

My hubby, my adventure partner....so many memories and trips and adventures in almost 2 years.  well not counting our dating moments and engagement too.

God's not dead...

3-23
I would like to add to this sometime and really write out my thoughts, but for now I will post them in a list type note form....
God's Not Dead - Simple, right?  I thought so until I saw the movie and was challenged.
I cried a lot - it started in the previews - one was about a boy that came back from heaven and his journey and describing it to his family...it made me miss my mom.

the movie -
some touching moments:
The muslim girl who was thrown out of her home for her faith.  The scene showed her listening to Billy Graham on her ipod and her brother caught her, she told him not to tell.  The next scene shows her Dad telling her to deny christ and she refuses.  then he kicks her out and you see the dad and her bawling on opposite sides of the door.  It really shows the heartache on both sides. 

The professor hating God because of pain from his childhood.

The snotty christian girlfriend of boy who challenged professor, having her plans and trying to make him fit in them.

The professor getting hit by a car and getting a second chance to believe in God - grace....what about ALL the people he made state that God is dead?  (God is so much bigger than that pain).
The reporter gal with cancer - no hope without God, her boyfriend dumped her.
the duck dynasty couple, faith and God is everything.
the boyfriend of cancer reporter girl - his mom has dementia but God used her to speak to him about pain and comfort and the enemy having diff prisons for people.
the gf of the professor - sister of bf of cancer girl - feeling unequally yoked and belittled for her faith
finally taking a stand, cinderella syndrome.
the pastor - jealous of his missionary friend for being in the trenches, realizes he is right where God placed him in his own trenches.

Then add the sermon from church - voices in my head GOD wants to be the loudest.
More crying from me.
Moses in Exod 4 saying, "I can't....not me...pick someone else, please." - Pastor Peter feeling that way about planting the church.

Deep Struggle...

8-1-14
I lived in southern China for three years. I remember when I picked up enough of the language to catch onto their comments. The first one I recognized was a man on the street yelling out a number. I was with my teacher and asked her if he had just guessed my weight? She was blushing and said yes. (In their culture it's not rude to comment on weight or how much you make or how old you are).  I laughed because he was only a pound off in his guessing! I was fairly amazed.  There were days I had a hard time with the comments or when hootenanny drivers would not take me up the hill cuz their vehicle couldn't handle my weight. Or I would get stared at for being white and big. 

Sometimes I would joke with them, sometimes I would be blunt, other times I would ignore them and go home and cry. 

How does everyone here get to the point of loving and accepting themselves at any size?

I am loved by many but sometimes fail to see the beauty they can't miss.

8-1-14 comment from above posting that I really was encouraged by and made me think about the last line I wrote in a new light!

Beckster Bu: This. Is. Amazing. "I am loved by many but sometimes fail to see the beauty they can't miss."