The picture that sparked it all

This picture was on the fridge the first time I went to Earl's house.  The older, faded one.

He is holding Charlie, one of his good friend's kiddos.  

Earl was teaching me how to make a pie and as we were waiting for it to bake, I saw this picture and felt this spark in my heart.  A thought crossed my mind that I could have a baby with this man....yea, it totally freaked me out, as at that point we were not even dating and I had no interest in this man; at least that was what my mind had decided.  My heart had other plans and they freaked me out! ;)

Fast forward - When we were married one day Earl gave me this picture, the newer copy  and he shaved his mustache and wore a blue shirt just like he looked in the picture.  My heart flipped again.

2/17/14
Weekend in Oregon

Wow, how blessed and spoiled I am.  I got a spa date and a shopping trip and just time to relax and read as my man and his two best friends braved the elements to play golf on a beautiful ocean view course.

Gale is my new hero - she braved the rain and wind and sleet and hail without complaint and carted her own clubs around and kept up with the guys!

Bandon Dunes Golf 

Remodeling

10-28-14
I was just thinking, as we are tearing our kitchen apart to take the old and make it new....I would love to do the same to me.  It would be nice to just go on one of those make over shows where they do all the work and then show you how to keep going...as I have no clue how to make comfy me into chic me.
Make up? oh boy that is a lot of time and work and I am not the greatest at that art skill.
Clothing? There are just some every day go-to items that work, they make me feel comfy and sometimes they even make me feel pretty.  This season it would be jeans and a sweater dress layered with a pretty necklace or scarf; the purple one being my happy go-to.
And shoes, um these feet get the special old lady treatment...but I did find a shoe store that sells cute styles for my wide and awful feet....before that it was tennis shoes only!
I am working on this body of mine, that has been a long haul struggle but little by little I am chipping away and one day I will be able to look back and say wow. I am not there anymore, I am here!

Blog Ideas

Ok so many thoughts in my head and not enough time to blog them yet....
so here is the upcoming (hopefully) list:

Picture of the Big Book of Lists - Awesome Goodwill find...I LOVE lists!

Time is precious - the passing of a friend's dad, the celebration of another friend's 30th bday.
Time is the gift you can give and you must spend wisely because there are no refunds. 

It does take a village - I miss my mom but realize every day how many other "pseudo" moms I have been blessed with growing up.
I hope to be a pseudo parent to many kids, part of a village raising kids that when you look at where God has taken them you get to take a bit of pride knowing He used you to touch and guide their precious lives.
Watching the kids I babysit/nanny grow up and become adults under my nose.

My hubby, my adventure partner....so many memories and trips and adventures in almost 2 years.  well not counting our dating moments and engagement too.

God's not dead...

3-23
I would like to add to this sometime and really write out my thoughts, but for now I will post them in a list type note form....
God's Not Dead - Simple, right?  I thought so until I saw the movie and was challenged.
I cried a lot - it started in the previews - one was about a boy that came back from heaven and his journey and describing it to his family...it made me miss my mom.

the movie -
some touching moments:
The muslim girl who was thrown out of her home for her faith.  The scene showed her listening to Billy Graham on her ipod and her brother caught her, she told him not to tell.  The next scene shows her Dad telling her to deny christ and she refuses.  then he kicks her out and you see the dad and her bawling on opposite sides of the door.  It really shows the heartache on both sides. 

The professor hating God because of pain from his childhood.

The snotty christian girlfriend of boy who challenged professor, having her plans and trying to make him fit in them.

The professor getting hit by a car and getting a second chance to believe in God - grace....what about ALL the people he made state that God is dead?  (God is so much bigger than that pain).
The reporter gal with cancer - no hope without God, her boyfriend dumped her.
the duck dynasty couple, faith and God is everything.
the boyfriend of cancer reporter girl - his mom has dementia but God used her to speak to him about pain and comfort and the enemy having diff prisons for people.
the gf of the professor - sister of bf of cancer girl - feeling unequally yoked and belittled for her faith
finally taking a stand, cinderella syndrome.
the pastor - jealous of his missionary friend for being in the trenches, realizes he is right where God placed him in his own trenches.

Then add the sermon from church - voices in my head GOD wants to be the loudest.
More crying from me.
Moses in Exod 4 saying, "I can't....not me...pick someone else, please." - Pastor Peter feeling that way about planting the church.

Deep Struggle...

8-1-14
I lived in southern China for three years. I remember when I picked up enough of the language to catch onto their comments. The first one I recognized was a man on the street yelling out a number. I was with my teacher and asked her if he had just guessed my weight? She was blushing and said yes. (In their culture it's not rude to comment on weight or how much you make or how old you are).  I laughed because he was only a pound off in his guessing! I was fairly amazed.  There were days I had a hard time with the comments or when hootenanny drivers would not take me up the hill cuz their vehicle couldn't handle my weight. Or I would get stared at for being white and big. 

Sometimes I would joke with them, sometimes I would be blunt, other times I would ignore them and go home and cry. 

How does everyone here get to the point of loving and accepting themselves at any size?

I am loved by many but sometimes fail to see the beauty they can't miss.

8-1-14 comment from above posting that I really was encouraged by and made me think about the last line I wrote in a new light!

Beckster Bu: This. Is. Amazing. "I am loved by many but sometimes fail to see the beauty they can't miss."

Monday morning

8-11-14
It was just like any other early Monday morning.  I was at my desk, still groggy and sifting through my To Do list for the day.  And of course I was on the phone waiting for help to make my email function, seems like most Mondays this is my routine...today the cause was it didn't want to read my CAC card; usually it is some profile issue.  As I was on hold waiting for a rep to take my call, my hubby stopped in front of my desk.
I had the phone on my shoulder, listening to the familiar droning of the elevator music and I looked up at him.  He said, "You are my inspiration."
Yup, that definintely did the trick.  My day was made, my whole countenance lit up and then he put on his "sexy nerd" glasses and briefly held my hand and then he walked away.  Sigh, I am so lucky! :)
In fact, I still can't wipe the smile from my face!

   

I love lists! :)

Best french fries in the world!

Lessons from Legos

2-12-14  I learned a lot from the Lego Movie!  I need to see it again because there is a lot more to glean but here are a few things that I am pondering:

"You are the Special" - the way Emmett's eyes, actually whole face, lit up in disbelief when he heard the gal tell him this...his response, "REALLY?! ME?!" - Everyone needs to hear this.

And then the gal being jealous and telling him, "But I wanted to be the Special, I was right there, on top of the Piece de Resistance but then you showed up and it was you." - I remember feeling this way with my Call to China; it was mine so no one else could be called to the BILLIONS of people there because I was, duh.  We want to be the special.  But who we are not what we do is what makes us each special.

The Master Builders (Batman, Unikitty, etc) building a sub together but not working together and it was a mess.  Emmett building his couch and it being the thing that saved them even though it was weird and kinda dumb.

Spaceman getting excited that he FINALLY gets to build a spaceship and no one tells him not to anymore.  Spaceship, spaceship, Spaceship!!!

Everything is Awesome - catchy tune but also a great message.

Everything is awesome Everything is cool when you're part of a team Everything is awesome, when we're living our dream

Everything is better when we stick together Side by side, you and I gonna win forever, let's party forever We're the same, I'm like you, you're like me, we're all working in harmony

Everything is awesome Everything is cool when you're part of a team Everything is awesome, when we're living our dream

(Wooo) 3, 2, 1. GO

Have you heard the news, everyone's talking Life is good 'cause everything's awesome Lost my job, it's a new opportunity More free time for my awesome community

...Stepped in mud, got new brown shoes It's awesome to win, and it's awesome to lose (it's awesome to lose)

Blue skies, bouncy springs We just named you awesome things A nobel prize, a piece of string You know what's awesome, EVERYTHING

...Everything you see, or think, or say Is awesome

Everything is awesome Everything is cool when you're part of a team Everything is awesome, when we're living our dream

Yup, definitely need to see the movie again. :)
 

Blessed

2-19-14  Sometimes I get so busy looking at other's lives and comparing that I forget how amazing mine is!
I am blown away by the beautiful, wonderful, caring, loving, people that God has put in my life through my family and friends.  I am so blessed.

     It really IS the little things that matter...a kind word at just the right moment, a hug, a text, sometimes just a listening ear, someome to stand with you and at times for you, a card, a flower or a dozen!
Just being there and living life with you, being excited for you and sad with you.
     My hubby got me flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day, even though we had said it is just a day and we don't need anything he brought 2 roses and reeses in the cooler for our trip...I got home to 10 more roses!  So thoughtful. :)
     My friends have been helping me so much with mourning my Mom's passing.  A phone call, a card, a text, letting me call them at any time, emails....just being present - so blessed!
     My hubby has been helping me with our new healthy eating lifestyle, he has been holding me and comforting me through my Mom's passing, he is my rock.  I love the man more every day I am with him; he never ceases to surprise me with his wisdom and wit.  He was so worth the wait; although the wait was tough and I don't wish those struggles on any gal; it really did grow me up into the woman I am now and helped me grab hold of God tight.  Even the times I would pound His chest and cry, "it's not fair!" or have temper tantrums and pout to try and get my way and my timing.  I look at the gift I have and am blown away.

Lists

I didn't realize until the other day at Target that I LOVE LISTS!
I love everything about them.
Making them makes me feel organized and crossing them off makes me feel accomplished.
I even add tasks that I have done that aren't on my list just to cross them off!
Pro's and Con's are good for helping you process through a decision or clear up confusion.
To Do Lists are great for visually seeing all that needs to get done and then making a plan to accomplish the said tasks - not always in a logical, orderly way either.
If one list gets too many ugly scribbles, I re-write it and make it pretty but include everything so I can see what has been do and what still needs to be done.
I was at Target just enjoying browsing the aisles and KAPOW - they jumped out at me....I didn't buy them but they really showed me something new about me.
They were "My life in lists" journal and "my future in lists" journals.
Ah - HA!  I LOVE writing but have a hard time getting my words to say what I need to express so I end up jotting little notes to come back later and fill in the fun details - although sometimes I forget them or I just can't even make out what my list is about or why I wrote such random words and phrases.
But I got inspired when I saw those journals - I love blogging but it takes me time to post - I leave things in draft form for quite some time before I will go back and fix and fill in and post them to share.
So you might end up seeing quite a few more lists coming at ya via this blog. :)

Thankful (Procrastinated)

11-26-13
Yup, I looked at this and covered my mouth in disbelief.  Really Becky?  You did not just put a date and leave this post to be written?  Ah, but yes I did.  I had so much to be thankful for that I really had no words and then life just got crazy and this post got forgotten.  But I have decided to post a procrastinated thankful now.  Better late than never - that can be a great motto at times!
I think it was just hard knowing where to start and thinking I might leave soemthing out.

I am thankful for good friends - the ones that just get you and are there no matter what.  I have realized that some come and go and others are for seasons but the best ones are when you can pick up right where you left off and just connect.  Ones that laugh and cry with you.  Ones that walk alongside you in struggles and triumphs.  Ones that cheer you on and ones that inspire.  Kindred.  Heart connections. 

I am thankful for my family - we are very close and have each other's backs.  Oh we have our quirks and things that make us roll our eyes, but in the end we are there in thick and thin!  So blessed.

I am thankful for my husband - wow was he ever worth the wait!  What a man, I can't even say enough about him - you know this may have to be a post of it's own. 

I am thankful for (vain alert) - my silky, thick hair that grows pretty fast, and good skin, and small lips, and a button nose, and little chunky hands, and good eyesight, and cute little ears, and high cheekbones (AKA chubby cheeks in my book), and a curvy shape, and my waist....um that is about all I have right now.  I just decided when I wrote this that it is ok to write because I should love me, since I am me and know me better than anyone else and I am a pretty cool me! :)

I am thankful that God loves me and never gives up on me.  He gives grace abundantly and He provides even in the smallest details.  He is the most amazing ever! <3
   

Inside Jokes

8-18-13  It is so much fun building a life with someone. I was pondering today our most recent inside joke and it made me want to record them all...

Chips

My feet hurt

Picture frame

Brrrk

WE
Pants
Joe Pichler
That's the way the cookie crumbles...not if it is chewy
There are more; maybe a few other posts as the years go by

Starting a Bucket List

11-5-13  I want some new goals and dreams in my life so here goes:
Visit the Taj Mahal
Sew a T-shirt quilt for my hubby
Learn to sew  and knit other fun things and crochet an afghan
Take my hubby to see my Pearl lady in China and some of my fav spots there too
Lose some pounds and tone up - I think discipline is key and self-control
Memorize Scripture
Make a family tree for me and hubby to pass onto our kiddos
Spend time with cool couples and glean from them
Relearn guitar - bar chords are hard with small hands
Host exchange students
Learn Italian, German, Spanish and French
Brush up on Mandarin
Read a book a month
Join a small group
Skydive - yea I can cross this one off and NEVER do it again! EVER! - stay in the planes!
Get a college degree - teaching? TESOL? Business? Administration?
Clean and organize and decorate the house
Noah Bryant, Jane, Brittney Ashley Rose...
Read and relearn about history - possibly the book my friend told me about history from the losers perspective
Take part in a polar plunge
Run a 5k+ (whenever my foot gets better)
Learn to swim and dive better, flip turns
Institute family game nights
Watch all the Joe Pichler movies
visit Mt Rushmore
Statue of Liberty
Time Square
Empire State Building
Magical Christmas in New York - big tree, iceskating, window shopping, Central Park
THE LIST KEEPS GETTING LONGER - THIS WILL BE PART ONE :)

Last Moments

1-7-14  I was just thinking there are some lasts that I can't recall....like the last time I watched a movie with my Mother.  And I definintely have the worst memory to think of FIRST times with her, esp since a lot of them were very early childhood.
Here are some of my favorite lasts I can recall:
The last day I was hanging out with her going through her TONS and tons of rings and asking for the stories of some and sorting them into piles with her.
The last hug I remember was a couple of days before Christmas and my Mom was talking about how she was ready and I just burst into tears and hugged her and she said I will always be with you, you are my heart and soul...or something close to that.
I can't remember the last phone call to just chat with her, I know there were many.  And I cry sometimes thinking that some of them I was rolling my eyes and impatient to get off the phone with her babbling on about this or that.
Her last moments on earth were the most precious and I will cherish them always.  We were in an upstairs private hospital room with my Aunt and my Dad and My sis and Jeff and Jenny.  Just hanging out and chatting with each other and holding Mom's hands and including her in the conversations.  This lasted a few hours.  A nurse popped in and asked, is she waiting for someone?  And then  a short time later ,something popped in my head; an old song that when I was practicing it my Mom told me, "you are going to sing that at my funeral."  It was odd and random back then, actually kind of morbid but when I remembered it in that room that morning, I knew it was what my Mom was waiting for.  So I asked if anyone minded if I sang to Mom.  Everyone was fine with it and I wasn't emotional at the moment, so I sang what I could remember of it.  One verse and two choruses.  We could all just feel God's peace and presence.  About 2 minutes later my Mother passed away.  We all hugged and cried.  The nurses were amazing and we all knew that I was able to sing Mom into heaven.  My friend told me she pictured my Mom leaving as I finished and then the angels continued the song as she arrived.  So beautiful.
 
The last few moments were so precious...
who was there
where were we
the nurses
the crowded room
the song
the departure
hugging and crying