12-17-13 So my thoughts are about how life is full of changes; like the seasons they have periods of time that they last and then go into hibernation and then bloom and grow!
My season of being single seemed like it would be one of never ending winter (like in Narnia) when I was in it. Of course in it were highs and lows, it wasn't totally dreary and lifeless. I grew so much and learned so much about myself, others, life, etc. It was a long season and sometimes I still wonder why it took so long to walk through; the worst thing I do is start to look around and compare my season to what looks like someone else's season. Why does she get flowers now and I have 6 feet of snow? Why can't I sunbathe today instead of wearing seven layers to keep warm?
Why did I have to wait until I was 36 to FINALLY end my singleness season? Why didn't I get to marry my high school love? - Oh wait, maybe because I didn't have one and maybe because I travelled and explored the world, found myself and so many crazy friends, adventure was calling. Sure, I was lonely for someone to snunggle and kiss and hold me but I was never alone. I always had a great community around me and had people to pray with and encourage and be encouraged by...
Monday, December 30, 2013
God's Hand
12-30-13 So many thoughts and memories are swarming my head right now. I wanted to write some out.
My Aunt said that my mom is the best gift her parents ever gave her.
It is amazing how God knew what we all needed and when.
I have a husband that is able to hold me and feed me and just let me be me during this time and he understands because he has also been through this loss.
My mother was able to go dress shopping with me and attend my wedding and spend time with my hubby and know that he is amazing and will take good care of her baby girl.
I got to share all the fun details of our European adventure and give my mommy a gift from the Vatican.
And hear her recall stories of their time in Germany and Italy.
God led my aunt to reach out to a family in need and let them live with her, so she is not totally alone during her loss.
I was able to see my mommy a few times and help her go through some things that were important to her the days before she went into the hospital.
I was right down the road when my daddy called the ambulance and could get there to drive him to the ER.
I am overwhelmed by the kickass friends and family that we are surrounded by. They are all right there praying and walking by us through everything. Dropping their lives and needs to come and comfort and help in anyway possible.
God had Nikki come from California to provide the bubbliness that my sister and I usually do but just can't right now.
It is like Mom not only planned it all out but she was in cahoots with the Big Guy and bringing her list she said hey remember this and that and there is this and that and He looked at her and said, "Yea Jan I got this."
And He does got this...each one of us in His hands and heart and He is meeting every need we have abundantly so. In our aching loss He is so near it is a comforting peace.
There is a song that sums up God's nearness, "Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands..."
Praise You In This Storm
My Aunt said that my mom is the best gift her parents ever gave her.
It is amazing how God knew what we all needed and when.
I have a husband that is able to hold me and feed me and just let me be me during this time and he understands because he has also been through this loss.
My mother was able to go dress shopping with me and attend my wedding and spend time with my hubby and know that he is amazing and will take good care of her baby girl.
I got to share all the fun details of our European adventure and give my mommy a gift from the Vatican.
And hear her recall stories of their time in Germany and Italy.
God led my aunt to reach out to a family in need and let them live with her, so she is not totally alone during her loss.
I was able to see my mommy a few times and help her go through some things that were important to her the days before she went into the hospital.
I was right down the road when my daddy called the ambulance and could get there to drive him to the ER.
I am overwhelmed by the kickass friends and family that we are surrounded by. They are all right there praying and walking by us through everything. Dropping their lives and needs to come and comfort and help in anyway possible.
God had Nikki come from California to provide the bubbliness that my sister and I usually do but just can't right now.
It is like Mom not only planned it all out but she was in cahoots with the Big Guy and bringing her list she said hey remember this and that and there is this and that and He looked at her and said, "Yea Jan I got this."
And He does got this...each one of us in His hands and heart and He is meeting every need we have abundantly so. In our aching loss He is so near it is a comforting peace.
There is a song that sums up God's nearness, "Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands..."
Praise You In This Storm
from Lifesong
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say, Amen and it's still raining
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say, Amen and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find You
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
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